Most men do not try to explore their desires too deeply. The common masculine structure is designed for plan and execution, and not for prolonged inquiries about the hidden reasons behind their urges, impulses and cravings.
This generalization does not say that all men are shallow and are not interested in understanding themselves. Furthermore, every man has many feminine features, as we will analyze later. We men are not all "robots" made of the same exact features. However, one must realize some basic tendencies related to the masculine "species" in order to deal better with his challenges, including, of course, the sexual ones.
The typical man would prefer to shorten the gap between desire and getting what he wants, as much as possible. Women, on the other hand, may even enjoy delaying their satisfaction because they can generate pleasure from fantasizing about having their desire fulfilled for quite a long time (this may be an advantage or disadvantage, depending on the circumstances).
You, as a man, are more interested in "grabbing" what you crave, and this is what we men are good at. We go out and get what we need (or even what our spouse needs…). Problems arise when we get confused in the moment on what the goal is really about and what we actually want.
This mismatch, where we have an urge to do or to achieve something that is not congruent with real desires, which are hidden deeper than we can see, eventually causes much disappointment, failure, frustration and even a sense of impotence. Sometimes, especially when things do not go smoothly, you must stop and dive in. Something in your system that made you go somewhere did not end up working in your favor. It is time to get inside, to travel to some territories that require a new kind of attitude and perception.
Deep down inside, we possess a sort of magnet. This powerful part of us is continuously looking for other magnets to adhere to. When we see what we internally perceive to be an attractive woman, this magnet creates a strong vibration, pulling us to connect as soon as possible with its "mate" that is stored exactly inside this woman's body. You know how two magnets are forcefully drawn together, right? You might want to understand a little better the real essence of this magnet.
While you are behaving properly and acting as if you haven't even noticed her interesting body, there is this powerful internal force that pulls you towards its matching magnet. It just happens, as a deep part of your fantasy. The core of this craving, though, is not necessarily sexually-based. It is vital for you to understand its origin, but not as a means to weaken your sexual desire. On the contrary, this information will free you from fighting these urges, because you will understand that they are also related to higher causes, more meaningful aspects of your development and self-fulfillment.
So let's try to dive a little bit deeper inside and open the discussion on something that is assumed to be an "animated" drive that must be restricted, gagged or channeled into only a few limited outlets, like humor, pornography, cheating or overwhelming fantasies that never seem to stop. There is something else you would like to know about in order to master your sexuality better, and that is why we are here.
Allow yourself, as you are reading these words right now, to let your fantasy produce an image of a really sexy woman (maybe someone you know or just a creation of your imagination).
Begin to approach this image and imagine you are now brushing against her skin, building up all the desires you will fulfill with her. Fantasize her naked or slowly taking off her clothes...but don't jump ahead!
In this game we are now playing with your imagination, nothing further is going to happen. You are simply watching her as she stands or lies close to you, exuding sexiness and showing her readiness for you. Stay close to her, in your imagination, in order to follow how your energy works inside your body and soul.
Now, notice. Normally, the first sensations in such a scenario are felt as intense and purely sexual (assuming that you really allow yourself to get into this exercise). A woman who is sensual, highly attractive and eager for sex, right there next to you, will usually activate your adrenaline system and interpret it as a demand for immediate sex.
Instead, in this imagined situation, continue to look at her, but try to breathe deeply and calm down. Pay close attention to all of your feelings and sensations, and take notice if they begin to change.
Just be there, in her presence, but do not try to ignore her in order to control your arousal. Let yourself freely explore her body with your gaze, but withhold from touching. Do not try to suppress any feelings of excitement or even discomfort. Keep your fantasy in check and prevent it from evolving into sexual contact with her. Simply stay there, quietly, while you are imagining yourself just looking at her without continuing to the next phase. Can you do it now? I bet you can do it everywhere and almost anytime. Aren't we masters of fantasizing sexual events without calling anybody's attention?
Can you stay a while in this exercise? It may not be easy for you because, as I mentioned above, we men are made for plan and execution. We don’t like holding back our desires, especially the sexy ones, when "it is time to do it.”
Yet, if you want to stop being controlled by these powerful magnet forces, you must allow yourself to calm down. Somewhere in your imagination, you are about to sense a new kind of pleasure that can be found only when you manage to be there and let your first sexual responses subside, yet without taking your eyes off this lovely woman (who has probably started to wonder what is wrong with you, man!).
Your future change will take place when you understand that a man has more options when he views the many sexy women around him. Once you manage to contain the first vibrations and let them fade away, while maintaining your focus on this beautiful scene, new creative horizons will open.
Most men's sexual as well as creative problems stay exactly here. We fail to realize that something is waiting for us down the road. We fail to realize that something which starts as a wild craving could end up as a creative breakthrough. We have to get past that powerful immediate craving and watch it without laying our eyes on it, while remaining aware and awaiting a new powerful sensation that is far beyond basic sex.
So here is the answer: the sights, stimulations and all other internal sensations we have around the attractive "objects" we happen to run into are actually a kind of gate for a powerful, energetic and meaningful "meeting" with your core creative manhood. As you stay there and continue to practice this shift without trying to escape the challenging situation, you will begin to feel eager to "do something" else, without even fully understanding its course, at first.
The fact that most of us (especially men) are spiritually and creatively blocked (hey, we'll break this wall, here!), makes us unconsciously reluctant to go beyond that reef. We prefer to stay there, with the basic sexy drama, and not to go on to a more challenging (yet meaningful) place. It may have begun with sensations that bring blood to our impatient sex organs, but it can continue upwards, to our higher human qualities that may reside in our stomach (intuition), heart (emotions) and brain (creativity). Are you willing to accept that we can "lift" the magnificent sexual energy and leverage it for our highest ambitions and goals? Well, start dreaming about it, because this reality is there, waiting for us men to take charge of it.
I would like to advise you to continue practicing, in a rather simple way, your natural emotional-creative "muscle" through the previous imagination exercise. The more you do so, the more my ideas will be able to locate the "receptors" in your mind and plant this theory on fertile ground for a blessed change.
We are only at the beginning of this journey, so do not expect any extraordinary results quite yet. Just try to imagine how this new concept can work for you: sexual energy is easily generated by envisioning a sexy object, and then that powerful energy can be "recycled" as a force that promotes passionate creativity expression. It's like discovering that the same charger works for two apparatus simultaneously; you can plug what you always use into the outlet and find that it also lights up another tool.