In courtroom scenes in movies, the lawyer sometimes cautions his testifying client that, "You don’t have to answer this question.” By doing so, the attorney is trying to protect his client from saying unnecessary things that could hurt his case or destroy his "story.”
Similarly, I will kindly ask you to not answer this question, at least not immediately. I do this not because I don’t want you to express your opinion and your wishes. Frankly, it is for just the opposite reason. I want you to answer this question in the "right way,” so the jury will not have the "wrong impression" about you. This question can become an interesting channel to deepen your understanding about your sexual activity. Many times, when we are asked "why" we do something it is better not to hurry, so that the real and significant answers may emerge at their own speed.
In fact, if we take a sincere and patient look at many of our behaviors and choices, they can reveal a very interesting and surprising phenomenon. Many times what we at first believe is the reason why we do something turns out to be motivated by a less obvious reason.
People who work in my profession and become experts in counseling understand that almost always the initial, surface reason people state as the reasonable explanation for a situation changes into a different, deeper reason over time. What we are usually ready to say is not always the best representation of what really lies inside our minds.
As you are well aware, sexual issues are among the most appealing topics for discussion among people. It is hard for the average person to ignore information or stimulation that has a "sexy" connotation. Many commercials purposefully insert an image of a nice looking woman, as a sexy symbol that is meant to attract people's attention.
When the word "sex" is said in a social event, most eyes will immediately turn to the source without even knowing why. However, sex is no more than what we all know about, isn't it? Two naked people touching each other and often having a close body connection that comes with penetration. What is all the fuss about? Despite our repeated experiences that reveal no extraordinary content behind these scenes, why is it that these stimuli continue to spark our attention?
Keep this puzzle active in your mind as you withhold yourself, just for a while, from answering the question of this section. You are not just going to have sex due to your bodily needs or animated desires. There is something else, something much deeper, that draws us to keep on trying to find it, with not much success most of the time. In fact, the amount of time we spend fantasizing about sex is completely disproportionate to how much sexual behavior we actually engage in. So if sex is such a stimulating issue, it must contain something that could be worth investigating.
While I am asking you to not answer this question, at the same time I would like for you to sense your emotions and your general feelings regarding this issue. So tell the Left-Brain to keep quiet for a while, and allow your Right-Brain to deal with your question for now.
Our habit of thinking solely in a linear and "understood" fashion is what leaves us unaware of the precious data the right side of our brain is trying to transmit. Many of the most important insights (if not all) on life do not result from reasoning, but are instead related to the sensual, emotional, spiritual and creative states (all related one way or another to the Right-Brain's functions) that we reach once we manage to bypass the exaggerated dominance of our powerfully logical and widely accepted Left-Brain.
As evidence of this dominance, a current widespread practice in the business arena is to do an overarching examination of the "why" behind the company's existence and functions. Business people tend to believe that the better the "why,” then the stronger their roots in major values and vision, and therefore the higher the chance that their business will flourish.
In other words, the better the "why,” the stronger the motivation and the greater the passion. However, as far as business is concerned, the effective "why" can never be related just to end results such as "I want to build a business in order to make a lot of money.” Instead, it must connect to a more profound and powerful spiritual idea: "I want to create this particular business because it will help me make a change I am passionate about.”
Coming back to the reason for you to get into bed with someone, it should have a broader "why" than just receiving physical pleasure or relieving built-up tension. There must be a more profound meaning behind it, a better "why,” which will be motivating enough to drive you to sometimes seek sex for this deeper reason, rather than for shallow physical pleasure. Once you manage to realize the spiritual and creative potential of your sexual activity and begin to enjoy it (I assure you that in time you will) you will also realize that good sex has its "rules" regarding timing, partner, place, etc.
Still pressing the mute button on your Left-Brain, consider the following idea: you may enter bed to have a sexual meeting with your partner and to participate in a special event where you will have the option to detach from your control a little bit, to let yourself get more excited, to be more connected to your body and to express your attraction and emotions towards your preferred sexual partner.
In time and after recurrent practice, you may even reach a state where you realize that having meaningful sex contributes significantly to your creativity, and at the same time you will find that practicing certain kinds of creativity improves your sexual performance.
So, the general answer to this question may remain obscure, but the overall approach should guide you towards a state where your perspective of the things that happen around your erections are far beyond just penetrating until you have an orgasm, but instead are part of a rich, abundant and stimulating way of life.
Remember that women usually do not need to work hard to experience deep sensations during sex. In this matter, they have a clear advantage over us. They are intrinsically built to dive into their spiritual spaces while being pretty passive. I am offering you a way to not remain behind and clueless to their way of perceiving this fabulous event. If you want your masculine version of having deep sex, you may consider adopting the hypothesis that for men to be deep, they need to be in a creative state of mind.
You don't need to invent new intercourse positions in order to assume a creative state of mind during sex. On the contrary! All you need is to develop your tools to connect an intimate experience with your natural masculine creative passion. It is there, it is a part of your genetic predisposition.
So ask yourself as many times as you can, "Why am I going to bed with my partner tonight?" Remember to not rush an answer. Just leave that question mark hanging and open your Right-Brain to work. This approach will keep your curiosity intact and your motivation for research as high as possible. In time it will show you some new avenues for the greatest sex you could have ever imagined.