How to Become a Creative Lover: Chapter 7: The secret struggle of modern man

My core message in this book is that a powerful and natural connection exists between the innate creativity men possess (without even being totally aware of it most of the time) and their sexual expression (of which they are quite aware). I have chosen a deliberately provocative name, "From your erection to your creation,” to remind you of the reason for our journey here. Let us delve a little into the biological and social background of the challenging promise I offer you.

From a young age we are taught how to break information into separate pieces and fields. We learn how to differentiate between topics and among different goals and wishes. Furthermore, as we grow we tend to segregate many topics into different categories and make a clear distinction between one zone and another. This manner of functioning and thinking is necessary for some learning and for development purposes. However, if it is exaggerated, we fail to learn how to blend and mix different agendas into a more holistic approach, and lack a deep understanding of how systems function in general.

The human brain consists of a mass of neurons that are located in different parts. Each zone is responsible for a different function. If one zone becomes destroyed, the loss of these neurons will be clearly manifested. Nevertheless, other parts of the brain frequently manage to compensate for the damage and create a new function to minimize the dysfunction.

A broader perspective of the brain reveals that there are endless interconnections among all parts of the system, putting every corner of the brain in touch with the rest. Such a vast network is probably one of the most important features of our brain, the most outstanding computer that ever existed. Yet, despite this and much other evidence of connections among many aspects of nature, we continue to view things as single units, as separate entities.

Many times, a puzzling question can be most accurately answered from a combination of information from multiple sources. Sometimes a real solution is simply a good compromise between two opposing forces. A good compromise is founded on synergism and cooperation. How can we really understand ourselves and grow if we cannot connect and bridge different, perhaps polarized, parts of ourselves?

So here is what I propose: connect your creativity with your sexuality. View them as forces that contribute to each other, mutually influencing and cooperating. Consider that both of them are driven by a deep passion. Observe how they each can lift an individual to spiritual heights and to the desire for more. See how both are linked to the abilities to produce, to replicate and to fertilize. Accept the possibility that the hot arousal you sense during sexual stimulation is actually a form of mental energy that you can also evoke for creative purposes.

If I am right, and the connection between sexuality and creativity is that close, you may never find peace unless you train yourself to convert this energy into the right creative outlet. You cannot jog, eat, read, swim, golf or play squash and feel the same release. This energy is far more sophisticated—you must use it for creativity. You must use it in order to push for a change. And this takes us directly to the next challenge presented in this chapter.

We are now modern men. We are reasonable and honorable guys, who know how to respect each other and how to be polite. We possess such sophisticated computers and advanced technology, yet there is something inside many of us that has not changed since the Stone Age. Although most of us will deny it, the way most men manifest their passion has remained the same as when we were Neanderthals. Now, though, it must be kept in check by social mores.

That primitive urge must be restrained, and you usually succeed in doing so. As a modern man, you struggle with your sexual passion. Over the years you have picked up some tools to help control it, but they are clearly not that effective, because you remain restless and sometimes feel overtaken by this vital sexual energy that bubbles inside.

In your mind, try to go back in time and return to the era of pre-historic man. Put yourself in this man's place for a moment, and imagine facing all his dangers and coping with the challenges of the time. You know, this primitive guy is always there, inside you, waiting for exposure and a chance to share some of your life. You may know that part of you, the Neanderthal within you, which can connect you to the wilder aspects of your personality, those you may prefer to deny or suppress most of the time.

As you stay there, imagine having an intimate encounter with your partner. In the cave or outside on the sand, near a tree, anywhere, imagine yourself having a complete sexual experience with her. Try to picture yourself dressed as a cave man, with a long beard and unruly hair. Can you see yourself as wild, simple and bold as this guy? Strip yourself of all the modern trappings and continue to visualize yourself as the most elemental masculine human form having sexual intercourse.

Now, let's move to another imaginary scene. Continue to see yourself as the same primitive ancient man, pounding a plant with a flat rock until it suddenly releases a bright burst of red. Thrilled at this discovery, you start dabbing pigments onto an animal hide, like a modern painter does with his canvas. Feel how a new kind of passion surges inside you as you discover the joy of freely playing with colors, with no judgment or self-criticism.

During this sensual act of smearing paint and splashing them onto the hide, a sexy woman, her curves barely covered with strips of soft furs, comes up and stands between the cave man and his canvas. He turns his attention instead on to her. Imagine how he simply moves, with all the colors on his hands, to continue playing but now with this lovely lady. Perhaps he spontaneously moves between the spaces for exploration on her body and on the hide, from creative work and back to sexual play (until hunger calls for a break to go hunt).

Coming back to the present moment, ask yourself—where is that Neanderthal in you? Are you struggling to hide it? Do you try hard to act as if you don't have his essence inside you anymore? Are you aware of the possible mental complex we may have developed due to ignorance of this part of our manhood?

You can bridge the gap between the modern man you now are and the wild savage you once were by channeling parts of your sexual passion into spontaneous creative action. In the creative scene, you can stop struggling and become more authentic. You can explode your passion freely and connect to your core uniqueness. You can become more intuitive, free and sexy.

This is your best platform to express what is vibrating inside you. You may seek an escape by boxing or reading, but nothing will do the work and balance you like a simple piece of creative work, completely free of judgment. You will have to learn how to overcome your self-critic that is constantly trying to keep you from being the Neanderthal you can be. Once you do it you will charge your system with new sexual energy, which in turn will increase your creativity, and more.

Don't be intimidated by the thought of being creative, because the very beauty of creativity is that there are no rules or standards. This is not like in pre-school when you were admonished for coloring outside the lines ― because in fact, that's encouraged here! There is really little difference between the talents you need to make love and those that are needed to make art or music.

The next time you sense the sexual energy in the air, try taking time for play before foreplay. For a few minutes before you start, whether alone or together with your partner, play freely with color or clay and let your creative juices flow before you touch each other. Enjoy simple, spontaneous, creative movements in whatever way you prefer. Imagine free sketching, letting your hand wander where it will, and then dropping the pencil and starting to trace the outlines of your partner's body. How does that sound to you?

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