How to Become a Creative Lover: Chapter 9: Conquer her with love and wisdom

As a man (as a Neanderthal in your deep genes) your role is to in some way "conquer" your female partner during the sexual encounter. When this idea is implemented in the wrong way, we can witness criminal behaviors that humiliate and degrade women, winding up with rape. This unacceptable misuse of the masculine force stems from a basic difference between the genders, whereby men are usually physically stronger and more controlled by their need for immediate sexual satisfaction.

Sex should be like a meeting scheduled between two consenting partners, a kind of dialogue that leads to cooperation and mutual pleasure. Everything that deviates from this cannot be regarded as real "sex.” Any unilateral enjoyment, where the other side is not really involved and does not experience any kind of excitement cannot be regarded, for the sake of our purposes, as an intimate relationship. In this sense I may clarify that rape is by no means a sexual event, but a pure violation of human norms and rules. This is a radical and brutal expression of men's wild and primitive sides and poses a substantial challenge for the society to deal with the twisted phenomena it has created.

We must take a look at what is going on in men's understanding of their sexual roles and how they manage to leverage their core manhood in the right way. After all, most deviant behavior is rooted in a natural structure of men's sexuality and how it is expressed towards women.

Whereas murderers use weapons that originally were designed for self-defense only and thieves use tools that were not intended to be useful for stealing, rapists use their natural strengths and their sexual organs to attack women and to steal from them what they cannot manage to obtain in a normal relationship. Unfortunately, many of these cases do occur in a supposedly normal marriage or dating relationship, yet this domestic violence is seldom reported.

In light of all this, which should not be new information for anyone, take a close look at the mirror and ask yourself whether rape fantasies have ever crossed your mind. You see, that uncivilized Neanderthal inside you sees no problem in rape, as a part of his normal behavior. Your real role, as a modern man, is not to try and stop these wild fantasies from entering your mind, but to find creative, acceptable and mutually enjoyable routes to express this basic masculine tendency to "conquer" your sexual partner in a way that will only bring the two of you closer.

If you miss this point, you may find yourself missing out on a big part of what a sexual relationship can offer. This misunderstanding is evident not only in sexual situations, but in any arena where men are usually involved. Wherever you fail to incorporate this wild part of you, there is a price to be paid in terms of blocking your creativity and reaching frustrating states where you cannot understand why things do not work as they should have.

It is your duty as a man to feel you can have a sense of "conquering" your partner during some parts of the sexual experience. Of course you cannot do anything that will cause dissatisfaction or a sense of humiliation. Normally, when this is done right, women will also enjoy "being conquered" (I will later elaborate on this). If you choose to always remain as tender and gentle as possible, without any expression of your explosive manhood, nothing good will come out of it.

On a spiritual aspect of sex, I believe that these exciting events actually allow us to enter a space where we are supposed to seek out our most basic essence and let it temporarily express itself, as freely as possible. The exaggerated interest people show in sexual issues is partly related to this fantastic opportunity to enter a kind of "time tunnel" (interestingly, the "tunnel" metaphor is a purely sexual symbol!) where we can reunite with our Neanderthal ancestors and remember, through the experience, how we used to be or what our roots really are.

There is no wonder, in this sense, for the close link we may find in this journey between sex and creativity. When we manage to engage in free and spontaneous creativity experiences, a similar phenomenon can take place that gives us an opportunity to connect to our very basic wild nature.

So it is up to you, the man, to grab your role and "conquer her with love and wisdom.” This doesn't necessarily mean you must always initiate sex or that you must rip her clothes off in a violent way (unless this works well for you and for her at the same time). The deeper meaning of this message is that you, as a man in the basic biological form, should go through this experience in any way that suits you and your spouse. You cannot and you should not try to overcome or repress this part of you, because it is from the same basic place that your creativity, your joy and your full expression will emerge.

You may sense these "conquering" experiences in many forms, and it may only surface in brief subtle moments, but it has to be there. You penetrate her, that’s what you do. This is your time, during this sexual dance you always automatically bring your explosive manhood into action, at least in part of the act. If you like holding her hair in a way that stimulates her, go ahead and let yourself be the Neanderthal you are, even for few seconds. If you want to grab her bottom forcefully, do it with all your might. Do it and watch her reaction. If she enjoys what you do, that’s great; if not, find something else that will express your natural energy during this special occasion.

I would like to conclude this topic with an attempt to figure out how a sexually aroused woman, who enjoys sex with you, can feel about the concept of "being conquered,” even if just for a few minutes.

Nowadays, when gender issues have become so sensitive and we tend to tread carefully and be politically correct with what is said about gender roles and expectations (after a long and blessed process that has liberated women from many unfair and humiliating situations), it can be taken to the point where a man may find it hard to accept and explore his manhood and a woman may think she should deny some of her wonderful and natural feminine gifts.

In this sense I would ask you to take my following assessment with caution and perspective. This is by no means an attempt to downgrade our precious sisters! So here it goes: at the same point where men, as "Neanderthal,” have some basic and deep desire (even a role, almost) to "conquer" their woman, women have the same desire to be "conquered" by a strong male. This is not to say that women would like to be raped. During a loving, intimate and secure sexual interaction, the woman would enjoy receiving your masculine power as it enters her body.

This is the way she is made, and this is the way she follows her nature. Of course, we all like to switch roles many times, as we all possess the other gender's properties and desires in ourselves, as well. However, a man is mainly a man and a woman is mainly a woman, and each gender is supposed to mostly explore their origin, for this is their primary challenge.

This "Neanderthal" which lives inside you is just one part of yours, and for this reason just one chapter is dedicated to him here. As a modern man, you would like to combine your love, affection and wisdom with this powerful wildness found in your masculine essence. When you do so and let this "savage" have his honorable share in your experience, he will reward you with a new boost of creative power, the result of the right manifestation of his natural forces. As a man, often times your creativity is a result of courageous moves and brave new decisions. The more you connect to this primal man inside you during sex, the more you will gain from his contemporary contribution to your general life goals and aspirations.

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