Right Brain’s Way: Chapter 10: Ready to divorce your problem? No you are not!

There is nothing in the world you would like more than to reach a state where your problem is no longer present, right? Never have I seen one person going through this (and I have seen a lot) without a tremendous desire to get rid of all their nagging, chronic, painful and recurrent problems. So you will surely be no exception.

But this is so wrong, and if you manage to understand this message I may certainly say I have helped you take some huge steps out of your addiction.

Let us be honest, if you had a true burning passion to put an end to a problem you would have done so ages ago. All the complex excuses that say that "reality does not let me change the situation" lose their validity when emotional blocks are suddenly removed and a powerful passion to do the right thing takes over and creates a totally new reality.

There is a reason your problems remain intact and the reason is located down in the basement of your soul. You are the one resisting your own healing, and as long as you continue to deny this fact you will remain stuck.

To make this complex situation a little clearer, let me draw a simple picture where your addiction is like a little creature inside you. Your addiction has been instructed by its "superiors" (never mind who, this is just an imaginary story) to remain with you forever, and so its work is guided by a clear objective. It is commanded to do whatever it takes to keep the current condition exactly the same, and this is precisely what this devious little creature does when it so perfectly manipulates you.

One of the most tricky and difficult mechanisms of your addiction to a problem is the formation of a false desire to end the problem. It is not your healthy spirit, but your addiction itself that is responsible for this recurrent, desperate wish to change and get over the problem. Many times one of the first and most significant signs I look for to diagnose an addiction to a problem is the frequent expression of frustration and what seems to be a genuinely sincere request to be taken away from this unfavorable situation. Their "weeping" may sound pretty convincing, pitiful and dramatic, but it is mainly passive and not based on the real energy and intention to make the right move away from addiction.

So really you aren't ready to divorce your problem. Try to face this fact as soon as possible, but do not rush it. Just listen to this information and let it resonate inside. I cannot stress enough how important this step is for your progress, although it may sound paradoxical.

As someone who believes the problem is not good for you, the last thing on earth you would like to think about is that you are actually resisting all chances of healing and shifting from the point where you are standing now. You may justifiable feel that you must express your constant intention and desire to win this issue.

But sometimes the road to healing is different, even totally the opposite. As I said, your addiction is on duty to stay and will do everything to fool you. As long as you cannot connect to the true condition you are in, including realizing how your addiction works, it is as if you haven't even started moving in the right direction.

Your addiction has a strict agenda: to stay, to remain in position and to never leave you. It has a clear drive and is motivated by your deep and hidden pains you have never really paid attention to. Your addiction has a clear plan and purpose, and awareness of this is one of the first steps to battling it and finally winning.

In its attempts to remain "in office," your addiction sends the self-critic to complete the camouflage. The self-critic repeatedly chides you for still having this problem, insults you and leaves you with a sense of being impotent and a failure.

And then what happens? You may immediately respond to your self-critic with frustration, or even with a "sincere promise to change," or really with any of your many possible dramatic responses to the problem.

Now pay careful attention to this: any reaction you may have that tries to immediately satisfy or please your self-critic not only takes you nowhere but also deepens your addiction's roots inside. There is no way we can fix the problem as a response to a feeling that "something is wrong with us." In such a case, we are not equipped with enough emotional reserves to get through the journey of ending a problem. Whenever your reason is this, you will fail, as you probably already have more than once.

When I ask you "Are you ready to divorce your problem?" you must realize that you first really need to go through a separation process and that the other party you are "married to" has no intention of cooperating with your decision. Addiction is a stubborn and manipulative force that will not give in so easily.

You must acknowledge not only this fact, but also understand that your addiction is something you created yourself and you are solely responsible for its existence in the past, present and future. You have brought it into your life and, as the host you alone can make a unilateral decision to ask it to leave, as soon as you are ready. You will be able to take a close look at your addiction, stop running away from it and then tell it, "Please go now, you are not needed anymore." You may even consider thanking your problem just a moment before departure, because the truth is that it protected you from your own demons.

But for now, do not hurry to jump into waters you cannot yet swim in. Your addiction is still there otherwise you would have stopped reading by now. Your current role is paradoxical and represents a historic change ― instead of being manipulated by your addiction you are about to become the manipulator itself ― you are going to fool your addiction to problems and lead it, and you, to a situation that improves your odds greatly.

And this will start with making every possible effort to finally announce, without any self-resentment – "Yes, I am addicted to my problem and I tend to interfere with all helpful processes that try to show me the way out." Or you may say something like, "I realize my weakness as well as my over-attention to my self-critic and I have now decided to let go and stop fighting the problem."

This does not mean you are giving in; quite the contrary. What it really means is that now you will learn how to stop wasting your energy doing what has always perpetuated the problem (being frustrated, angry, desperate, and crying for historic change) and become ready for the new methods you will adopt, later, that will bring you back to a healthy state. So for now, be OK with the assumption that despite many declarations, you are still not ready for the divorce, but that this situation is about to change, in due time and due process.

Good. Now, do not continue without asking the three questions of this phase out loud to yourself. Ignite you Right-Brain with the right question-energy.

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